Insecurity
by Mina3
Summary: Updated With the realisation that Sora's affections have drifted, Taichi begins to have doubts of his own worth. Set after the 02 Christmas episode.


**Insecurity**  
by Mina

  


Standard disclaimers for _Digimon Adventure 01_ and _02_ apply. Everyone should know by now that a fanfic author makes absolutely nothing off of writing fanfics, so suing is pointless. Okay, I take that back; I _do_ make something off of writing fanfics. I get the sadomasochistic pleasure of explaining why I pair up the people I do to people who think I'm out of my mind. 

But, you already knew _that_, didn't you? ^_^ 

Warnings: Fairly light shounen ai, somewhat fluffy (for me, anyway). This is basically my Yamatai response to the 02 Christmas episode. And yes, in case you were wondering, I don't believe in the canon ending of 02. To me, the damn ending never happened. If you really want to know how strongly I feel about it, check out my Scratches section for my rant. 

P.S. This is the shortest story I've ever written. ::pause:: I feel really weird not writing a story that's at least twenty pages long. 

* * *

"Niichan, someone's here to see you!" Yagami Hikari said with a mischievous grin, peeking around the doorway into their room. Taichi was lying sprawled out on her bed, Agumon sitting on his stomach.     Taichi sat up, hugging Agumon to his chest. He had a slightly pensive look on his face, though he gave his sister a small smile in return. "Well, who is it? It's kind of late to be visiting."     Salmon padded in behind Hikari, her expression much like her human partner's. "It would ruin the surprise if we told you."     "You two are no help," Taichi muttered. He sighed, setting Agumon down. "Well, shall we go see who's come calling?"     "I don't know, Taichi." Agumon looked up at him doubtfully. "What if it's not a Chosen Child? Maybe I should stay here."     "Nah." Taichi flashed a devil-may-care grin and winked. "It's Christmas time and I've only got you through New Years. Whoever they are can just deal with my walking, talking orange dinosaur."     Agumon beamed at that statement. "Thanks, Tai!"     "Are you two going to stand there all night or are you going to go visit your guest?" Hikari asked in exasperation, her hands on her hips.     "We're going, we're going!" Taichi grabbed Agumon's hand and darted out the door before she set Salmon on them. "Although, if its Jun wanting tips on catching Yamato's attention, I'm kicking her out the door, even if Daisuke's her little brother. And if it's Sora… Kami, I hope it's not Sora! I can't deal with that right—"     "Talking to yourself again, I see."     Taichi's head snapped up at he blinked in dumbfoundment at the blonde boy standing in the kitchen. "Yama…"     "Oh, Tai-chan, isn't it great? Yamato-kun came to see you and he brought his little friend," Taichi's mother said, smiling brightly at the two boys as she bustled about the kitchen creating her latest experiment in bizarre food.     "Yeah…great."     Yamato arched an eyebrow at Taichi's reaction, tipping his head to the side. "What's wrong, Taichi? You left in a real hurry earlier—you didn't even say good-bye."     Taichi shrugged, looking away. "I was just in a hurry to get Agumon home. It's been so long since I've seen him and all…"     "I brought those cookies Sora made," Gabumon piped up, holding out the unwrapped present. "Yamato thought we should share."     "Oiii! It thought you were on a diet." Agumon pointed accusingly at his digimon friend.     Gabumon grinned sheepishly. "I was until Sora said that they were a special recipe that her aunt in America taught her. She called them 'snickerdoodles' and they sound really good."     "Sunika-what?" Taichi blinked in confusion. Leave it to Sora to bake a cookie that no one could pronounce.     Yamato laughed. "Never mind, Tai. Why don't you grab your coat and we'll go for a walk? It's really nice out tonight."     "Saa, I don't know. I, uh, have a lot of homework, and…um…"     Frowning as Taichi continued to stammer nervously, Yamato gave Gabumon a small nudge. He'd talked to his digimon friend earlier about Taichi's odd behaviour and they'd concocted several plans on the walk over to insure that he could get Taichi out of the house so they could talk.     Gabumon looked up with big, watery blue eyes. "Does this mean we have to eat the cookies by ourselves, Yamato?"     Agumon squawked in protest. "Nooo!" He turned pleadingly to Taichi, tugging on his sleeve. "Please, Taichi? Can't we go on a walk and eat cookies?"     "Besides, it's winter holiday, you silly!" Hikari said from the couch. She and Salmon had come into the room and were pretending to be busy, playing with the channel changer. "And I know that you already have most of your cram school work done, so don't even think about using that as an excuse."     "Fine." Taichi's shoulders drooped in defeat, and he reluctantly turned to go and get his coat—     —only to find his mother holding it out to him with a smile. "Now have a good time on your date, Tai-chan. Yamato-kun, have him back before eleven please."     "Kaachan!" Taichi groaned, taking the jacket and stifling the urge to bury his face in his hands.     "I can't help it," his mother replied, sniffling and dabbing her eyes with the dishtowel thrown over her shoulder. "My little boy's all grown up and he's dating a rock star."     "…Yeah. Okay, Kaasan, we're leaving now." Taichi grabbed Yamato's hand and dragged him towards the door, their digimon trailing after them.     "Mata ne, Yagami-san!" Yamato called over his shoulder, quite used to the woman's eccentricities.     Once outside the apartment, Taichi's fingers slipped from his grasp and both eyebrows went up as Taichi shoved his hands into his pockets, looking down at his feet as they walked down the stairs in uncomfortable silence.     Yamato cast sidelong glances at Taichi as they headed towards the park, wondering what could have happened to make him so quiet, so reticent. Usually, when they went out, he had to pry Taichi _off_ of him.     Taichi continued to walk dejectedly towards the park, unaware that Yamato was watching him intently. He wasn't sure why he'd fallen into such a funk. Well, maybe he did know, but it seemed so _ridiculous_…     "Five yen for your thoughts," Yamato murmured, tossing the coin he'd pulled from his jacket pocket in Taichi's direction.     Catching it out of habit, Taichi looked down at the golden coin, printed in the fifth year of Emperor Akihito's rule, and sighed. "You wouldn't want to know."     Fists clenched, Yamato fought to keep his temper; it drove him nuts when Taichi wouldn't talk. "Don't give me that, Taichi. Remember our promise four years ago? _Nothing_ is too trivial, not between us."     Those words made Taichi freeze, and Yamato used the opportunity to move behind him and wrap his arms around the shorter boy. "Talk to me, Tai. I want to help, but I can't if you keep shutting me out."     Keeping his body taut, refusing to succumb to the seductive warmth of Yamato's body and voice, Taichi said stiffly, "It's nothing important, Yamato."     "The hell it isn't!" In a move that Taichi wasn't expecting, Yamato threw them both backwards into the grass, rolling over so that he was straddling the brunette, hands on his shoulders. "Dammit, Tai, we haven't gone through four years together for you to close up on me and for me to give up!"     "You wouldn't understand!" Taichi spat, brown eyes narrowed.     Yamato smiled humourlessly, eyes spitting challenging sparks. "Oh yeah? Try me." 

"Anou, Gabumon, should we be worried?" Agumon asked, hiding behind a tree with the other digimon and the box of cookies. 

    "I don't think so." The horned digimon watched the two boys tussle in the grass, sitting down with a sigh. "They don't seem very serious."     Agumon nodded after a moment of watching Taichi try in vain to get out of a headlock. "You're right. It looks kind of like Taichi wants to lose. Why is that, you think?"     "I don't know, Agumon. Human relationships get too confusing for me to make heads or tails of for very long."     "You said it." 

"Damn, when'd you get so strong?" Taichi panted, completely exhausted from struggling with Yamato and once again effectively pinned under the blonde. 

    "Comes from having a little brother," Yamato said with a small grin. "Plus, in case you hadn't noticed, even Koushirou is getting taller than you."     Taichi made a face. "You just had to rub that in, didn't you?"     Sighing softly, Yamato gently touched Taichi's cheek, brushing free dead grass and leaves. "Ready to talk now that you got that out of your system?"     "I guess. I mean, it's not like I stood a Frigimon's chance in hell of worming my way out of this anyway," Taichi replied with a wry smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.     Yamato stood up, reaching down to pull the other boy to his feet "Is it really so bad, Tai?"     The brunette ducked his head as he brushed himself off. "I, well…" He began to poke his index fingertips together, face still bowed. "It's silly, really, and I don't know why it got me so worked up. The more I think about it, the sillier it seems."     Yamato threw an arm around Taichi's slumped shoulders feeling relieved when his arm wasn't shrugged off. "Come on, let's go sit down. You don't have to tell me about it if you don't want to."     Allowing himself to be led towards one of the park benches, Taichi bit his lip as he thought. He really didn't want to tell Yamato what he'd been thinking about, but the blonde deserved to know; after all, four years of closeness really did mean quite a lot.     "Like I said, this will probably sound really silly." He leaned against Yamato for warmth, staring off into the tree-speckled landscape. "I just found out today that I've lost the only girl that ever liked me romantically."     "And that's a bad thing?" Yamato asked in confusion.     Taichi sighed deeply, closing his eyes. "Well, yeah, since I also just found out that she's after you now."     Yamato gaped in disbelief. _Sora? Ah, so that's what she meant when… I can't be the person closest to her heart._ "Taichi, are you saying that you're jealous of a girl?"     Cringing, Taichi sat up and scrambled to the end of the bench. "No, I'm not jealous," he said, gazing fixedly at his laced fingers. "Not really, anyway. It's more like I feel insecure. Face it, Yamato: I'm a silly, little, big-haired junior high student with an obsession for soccer. I don't have the world's greatest grades, I probably won't make it into any decent college, and if I don't make J-League, I don't know what I'll do with my life. I'm socially clumsy, I _still_ have a tendency to put my foot in my mouth, I have to have my little sister tie my uniform tie for me, and—"     Yamato grasped Taichi's clenched hands, causing the boy to look up, caught like a deer in headlights as those wounded brown eyes caught his own. "And _nothing_, Tai. I like you just the way you are."     "B-but…but…" Taichi blinked his burning eyes, dropping his gaze. "Kami-sama, Yamato!" he finally burst out. "I suck at house cleaning, I wait till the last possible moment to pay my bills without penalty, I still can't bake a decent Western cake, and my idea of good art is Togashi Yoshihiro and Sugisaki Yukiru!"     "Naa, I _like_ _D.N. Angel_," Yamato said softly with a smile, bumping Taichi's shoulder lightly before wrapping him in an embrace. "And I like your spontaneity and your absent mindedness. I like your cooking and your honesty. And I like your dreams, no matter what they are. But, I must protest the whole tie thing—I much more prefer you with your collar undone." He leered at the brunette, earning a small laugh and a smile.     Placing his hands over Yamato's, resting against his chest, Taichi said quietly, "The thing that really bothers me the most, though, is that I never noticed. We were real close as kids, but we slowly began to drift apart after we returned from the Digitalworld. I feel like I failed as a friend somehow, but at the same time, when I saw her smile tonight when she said your name…" He broke off, closing his eyes once again against the burning sensation. "I feel like I somehow _betrayed_ her. And she's so much better than me, so much kinder and understanding…"     "I love that about you the most," Yamato breathed into his ear, drawing him against his chest and wrapping arms around him more securely. "Your innocence, your purity."     Tai laughed scornfully at that. "Innocence? Purity? Since when have I had those, Yama? I think you've got me confused with someone else."     Yamato shook his head, resting his chin on Taichi's shoulder. "Your innocent faith in others, you've always had. Remember when we fought Piemon? The others wanted to help you fight, and you refused, saying that it was something only Metal Garurumon and War Greymon could handle. The others said that I wouldn't make it in time, but you believed in me; you never once lost your faith in me and you honestly believed that I would come back to you before it was too late."     "And you did," Taichi whispered, remembering everything the blonde had described with startling clarity. "Things were so bad then, so desperate… You and War Greymon were the only things I had left to believe in, when Piemon was tossing me around like a sack of rice. You came and held me and cried——I didn't mean to make you cry, Yama. I don't like seeing you sad."     "And that's your purity," Yamato said, hugging him tighter. "You don't like to hurt others, in any way. Even back then, when we'd sooner solve our problems with a fist fight then talking, you always apologised after you'd cooled down, and you'd get this worried look in your eyes when you'd ask if I was okay."     The blonde inhaled the scent of Taichi's shampoo, vibrant and sharp citrus, much like the boy's personality. "You were special to me for many reasons by the end of that first year. And now, three years later—nearly four—after that day we all went to summer camp, I have many more reasons to hold you special, Yagami Taichi. You never held my past actions against me, you helped to show me who I was—who I _am_—and you have always stood beside me."     Taichi sat up and Yamato reluctantly released his hold. Wide brown eyes turned to regard him, still holding a hint of wariness. "But, Yama, I'm not—"     Yamato smiled and placed a finger against the boy's lips. "I don't care about the things you aren't, Taichi, I care about the things that you _are_. You're kind, funny, and intelligent—and you're stubborn enough to make things interesting. I love the fact that I'm not always certain how you'll react. I love the fact that I can count on your honesty. And I love the fact that I can count on you to stand by me through anything."     Leaning forward so that their foreheads touched, he said, "You're not just a special person, Taichi, you're my best friend and _the_ special person in my life. Just as you'll stand by me I'll stand by you, and I hope that I never give you reason to doubt that."     "Yama…" Giving him a watery smile, Taichi felt much of the tension leave his body that had settled there earlier.     The blonde smiled wickedly, bring up a hand to cup the other's boy's cheek. "Now that that's settled, do I get my hello kiss?"     Taichi's eyes widened. "B-but, Yama, we're in public and—mmph!"     It was a gentle kiss, a tender kiss that still managed to leave Taichi breathless with the amount of sheer emotion Yamato managed to convey. They broke apart, still close enough for Taichi to feel the warm breath of the only one who had ever been able to tie him into emotional knots caress his face. "Dai suki, Yama," he whispered, not even noticing as a tear slipped free from his closed eyes and trailed down one cheek.     Yamato, however, did notice, and he brushed the tear free before leaning in and covering Taichi's lips with his own once again. 

"Um, Gabumon, if they're kissing and making up, does that mean it's safe to come out now?" Agumon asked, turning back to his friend and blinking wide green eyes. 

    Gabumon pondered it a moment, then nodded. "I think so. Let's wait a second to be sure and then we'll bring them the cookies." 

* * *

Later that night, Taichi leaned against the cool glass of the guest room window, looking out on the street below. His fingers splayed against the pane, the chill beginning to make its way up his arm. _'Do you deserve him?'_ a voice in his subconscious whispered darkly. _'Are you good enough for him?'_

    A slightly paler hand closed over his own, a bare arm sliding around his waist. "What are you looking at?" Yamato asked softly.     Suddenly, the chill felt as though it were running through his entire body. Taichi turned away from the window, pressing against the blonde. "I don't know. I woke up, and I felt the need to look out the window. But when I did, I felt…I felt…" He shuddered, hunching in on himself.     "Shhh." Yamato wrapped him in a tight embrace. He freed one arm briefly, closing the curtains on the window. "Come back to bed, Taichi."     Taichi nodded, feeling stiff as he allowed the blonde to lead him back to their little nest of blankets and sleeping bags. He snuggled into Yamato's arms readily, drawing warmth from him, his unease fading with their close contact.     Yamato's fingers ghosted under the hem of Taichi's pajama top, trailing up and down the length of his boyfriend's tense back. "Taichi?"     "Hmmm?" Taichi murmured sleepily. He liked being in Yamato's arms; that meant that things were okay, that they were safe, that he didn't have to be brave and responsible.     Lips pressed gently against his forehead, and he peered up at the blonde in question.     "Do you feel insecure, now?" Yamato asked, blue eyes searching.     Taichi smiled and shook his head. "No." He laid his head back down, ear pressed to Yamato's chest, closing his eyes blissfully as he listened to the heart that thrummed strongly beneath. "Your heart, with mine," he murmured. "Thank you for staying tonight."     Yamato smiled in the dark, continuing to hold the brunette closely. "My heart, with yours."     "Always?" Though the question was broken by a yawn, you couldn't miss the tentative, hopeful edge it carried.     Blue eyes closed, their owner content. "Always." 


End file.
